I have been smoking cigarettes since I was 21. I am now almost 28. But today, I haven't had a cigarette for 15 days.
Why have I been smoking for so many years? It began when I was abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark. The girls that I was in the studio with would all go out to this lovely window in the hallway every hour or so during class to have a cigarette. They would always invite me and I would always join, wanting a break from work. I declined cigarettes left and right because, why start? But then one day and I can't remember too precisely, I decided to take one and to try it. It wasn't love at first inhale but there was something satisfying about the experience. Then I bought these 'natural' cigarettes called bidi's and fell in love with the experience of smoking alone in the tiny backyard of where I lived.
At a time when I felt so horribly alone, it was as though they were my companion...always there for me. I could sit outside and stare out at spaces just thinking without feeling out of place.
Being a very visual person, I also fell in love with the packaging aspect of cigarettes. So many precious little sticks inside of a delicate box or wrapper for your own personal enjoyment. It became an obsession. A new pack of cigarettes was like the best gift I could ever imagine...the visual beauty of the package was a huge draw for me. I began smoking Lucky Strikes simply for the packaging. In some countries, like Thailand they put graphic warnings on the boxes of cigarettes. When I traveled to Thailand in 2007 and 2008, I bought these cigarettes and had to develop this strong mindset of denial and carelessness.
Smoking is a very social activity...when I backpacked in Europe it became very easy to make friends with others at the various hostels I would stay at, just by sharing a cigarette. The strange thing about smoking for all this time is that I never considered myself a smoker. I never wanted to imagine that I was addicted. I knew how bad it was for me and I remember my famous quote from childhood in regard to the death of my great aunt Kay - "She cigaretted herself to death."
Cigarettes are sometimes viewed seen as a sign of rebellion, or those that smoke are "cool" or "nonchalant" or "going against society" but in fact smokers become a slave to the tobacco industry by forming an addiction - spending hundreds of dollars in taxes and being in absolute misery when traveling by air and unable to have a cigarette for an extended period of time...and on and on.
There is so much I can write about the topic of smoking, but most important to me is wanting to overcome this addiction. I want to show myself that I care about myself. I have been hurting my health for too many years and I want to take that back. I also have been a runner and have seen the effect that smoking has had on my running. Been in denial about it forever, but I am already noticing my running improving just a little - which is a whole lot.
A favorite quote from Mark Twain on the topic; "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."
She was about 5'7", black, athletic build, delicate features and lightly make-upped face. She couldn't be in higher than 10th grade. She got onto the bus tightly packed amongst her four girlfriends who made their way to the back of the bus slapping each other lightly, giggling and screaming false alarms. Once they sat down they bantered about classes and social stuff at school. I had my headphones on but turned down the volume just enough to keep a vague idea of what they were going on about. About two seats down from Frisk Me sat a reflective and stealthy corn-rowed ebony young man who slowly stood up from his seat revealing his boxer shorts bubbling up out of his jeans while the girls all looked at each other and Frisk Me said, "Where do you think you're going?" To which he said nothing and continued on his way pretending not to hear.
