My Doctor's Office

As I recently was accepted for Medicaid I have made several trips to my local doctor's office, Lafayette Medical Center. Located in Bed-Stuy on Lafayette Ave, just west of Bedford Ave. My trips to this office have been painful and not because of the procedures or shots or anything to do with the actual doctor's visit. The staff behind the glass when you walk in does not acknowledge you and the waiting area is stark and unwelcoming. You could easily wait at the window for ten minutes without being acknowledged. It is up to you to capture the attention of the secretaries. Those with most success tapped or knocked on the windows or shouted through the hole at the bottom. The windows are overwhelmed with signage which I was able to take a few photos of - pictured here:

These signs...due to my observations on all occasions of being at the office are ineffectual. All loud and disturbing patrons were, in fact, seen in the office. On one occasion, upon entering the doctor's office area, to the second waiting area, I found myself sitting next to three adolescents blaring music with vulgarities and profanities from their cellphones while they flicked the flame on a lighter and sexually 'danced' in one another's laps. This seemed to be rather routine and normal as no personnel attempted to control the situation.

The staff is trying to control the patrons with these signs, but from my observation, no one is reading the signs. It is a little humorous...but not after waiting over an hour for a scheduled appointment and after feeling a profound sadness for the ills of the medical world we live in today.

cigarettes

I have been smoking cigarettes since I was 21. I am now almost 28. But today, I haven't had a cigarette for 15 days. Why have I been smoking for so many years? It began when I was abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark. The girls that I was in the studio with would all go out to this lovely window in the hallway every hour or so during class to have a cigarette. They would always invite me and I would always join, wanting a break from work. I declined cigarettes left and right because, why start? But then one day and I can't remember too precisely, I decided to take one and to try it. It wasn't love at first inhale but there was something satisfying about the experience. Then I bought these 'natural' cigarettes called bidi's and fell in love with the experience of smoking alone in the tiny backyard of where I lived.

At a time when I felt so horribly alone, it was as though they were my companion...always there for me. I could sit outside and stare out at spaces just thinking without feeling out of place.

Being a very visual person, I also fell in love with the packaging aspect of cigarettes. So many precious little sticks inside of a delicate box or wrapper for your own personal enjoyment. It became an obsession. A new pack of cigarettes was like the best gift I could ever imagine...the visual beauty of the package was a huge draw for me. I began smoking Lucky Strikes simply for the packaging. In some countries, like Thailand they put graphic warnings on the boxes of cigarettes. When I traveled to Thailand in 2007 and 2008, I bought these cigarettes and had to develop this strong mindset of denial and carelessness.

Smoking is a very social activity...when I backpacked in Europe it became very easy to make friends with others at the various hostels I would stay at, just by sharing a cigarette. The strange thing about smoking for all this time is that I never considered myself a smoker. I never wanted to imagine that I was addicted. I knew how bad it was for me and I remember my famous quote from childhood in regard to the death of my great aunt Kay - "She cigaretted herself to death."

 Cigarettes are sometimes viewed seen as a sign of rebellion, or those that smoke are "cool" or "nonchalant" or "going against society" but in fact smokers become a slave to the tobacco industry by forming an addiction - spending hundreds of dollars in taxes and being in absolute misery when traveling by air and unable to have a cigarette for an extended period of time...and on and on.

 There is so much I can write about the topic of smoking, but most important to me is wanting to overcome this addiction. I want to show myself that I care about myself. I have been hurting my health for too many years and I want to take that back. I also have been a runner and have seen the effect that smoking has had on my running. Been in denial about it forever, but I am already noticing my running improving just a little - which is a whole lot.

 A favorite quote from Mark Twain on the topic; "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."