cigarettes

I have been smoking cigarettes since I was 21. I am now almost 28. But today, I haven't had a cigarette for 15 days. Why have I been smoking for so many years? It began when I was abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark. The girls that I was in the studio with would all go out to this lovely window in the hallway every hour or so during class to have a cigarette. They would always invite me and I would always join, wanting a break from work. I declined cigarettes left and right because, why start? But then one day and I can't remember too precisely, I decided to take one and to try it. It wasn't love at first inhale but there was something satisfying about the experience. Then I bought these 'natural' cigarettes called bidi's and fell in love with the experience of smoking alone in the tiny backyard of where I lived.

At a time when I felt so horribly alone, it was as though they were my companion...always there for me. I could sit outside and stare out at spaces just thinking without feeling out of place.

Being a very visual person, I also fell in love with the packaging aspect of cigarettes. So many precious little sticks inside of a delicate box or wrapper for your own personal enjoyment. It became an obsession. A new pack of cigarettes was like the best gift I could ever imagine...the visual beauty of the package was a huge draw for me. I began smoking Lucky Strikes simply for the packaging. In some countries, like Thailand they put graphic warnings on the boxes of cigarettes. When I traveled to Thailand in 2007 and 2008, I bought these cigarettes and had to develop this strong mindset of denial and carelessness.

Smoking is a very social activity...when I backpacked in Europe it became very easy to make friends with others at the various hostels I would stay at, just by sharing a cigarette. The strange thing about smoking for all this time is that I never considered myself a smoker. I never wanted to imagine that I was addicted. I knew how bad it was for me and I remember my famous quote from childhood in regard to the death of my great aunt Kay - "She cigaretted herself to death."

 Cigarettes are sometimes viewed seen as a sign of rebellion, or those that smoke are "cool" or "nonchalant" or "going against society" but in fact smokers become a slave to the tobacco industry by forming an addiction - spending hundreds of dollars in taxes and being in absolute misery when traveling by air and unable to have a cigarette for an extended period of time...and on and on.

 There is so much I can write about the topic of smoking, but most important to me is wanting to overcome this addiction. I want to show myself that I care about myself. I have been hurting my health for too many years and I want to take that back. I also have been a runner and have seen the effect that smoking has had on my running. Been in denial about it forever, but I am already noticing my running improving just a little - which is a whole lot.

 A favorite quote from Mark Twain on the topic; "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."